There are days when we are so wrapped up in consolation and feeling the Lord’s presence that we cannot fathom a minute of being separated from His Love. In contrast, there are days that we may feel so alone or pained that Christ couldn’t feel any further away. Since our Lord allows both experiences to occur throughout our never ending spiritual journey, we must learn to persevere through the dark days and relish in His Glorious light. Sometimes this is much easier simply stated and harder to put in to practice.
Although my conversion took place almost two years ago and I am aware that progress has been made, I know that I am LEAPS and BOUNDS away from being the woman Christ desires for me to be. My struggles are real, felt daily, and sting like salt in a wound. There are days when I feel like staying in bed and there are days when the pain is so deep that I feel that I cannot possibly give one more ounce of myself to a single person. But Christ reminds me that I do not need to rely on my own strength- that I SHOULD NOT rely on my own strength- which is failing and weak.
In this morning’s Common of Several Martyrs, He reminds me that, “As we have shared so much in the suffering of Christ, so through Christ do we share abundantly in his consolation” (2 Corinthians 1:5) Consolation does come after a pit of desolation because God does not test us beyond our strength. Instead, He reminds us to put our trust in Him and not on the things and comforts of this world. Desolation promotes growth and builds character. It also hurts, immensely. But at the end of each day, I know that Christ has been with me all along, constantly guiding my steps and my heart. Yesterday’s Gospel really hit home for me as Jesus spoke to His disciples of His impending Passion,
Behold, the hour is coming and has arrived
when each of you will be scattered to his own home
and you will leave me alone.
But I am not alone, because the Father is with me.
This is where I must build my foundation, knowing that although I may feel the sting of loneliness, I am never alone because the Father is with me. This is the only guaranteed constant in my life and once this truth is realized, will give me great peace and strength. I pray that we may continually seek the true good in others and in ourselves. Mother, please shower us with Your graces and give us the patience and perseverance to endure our sufferings joyfully with Your Son.