Hold me a little closer

It is becoming increasingly more beautiful here in Beijing with each passing day. What began as a dark, cold, and gloomy sight has transformed into a world that is filled with vibrant life. The cherry blossoms are budding, the trees are becoming a lush green, and the air is fresh and clean. What’s more, my heart is falling more in love with China and the work here. Congruently with the weather, I arrived in a state of spiritual desolation. But, after the addition of a daily holy hour, Jesus began consoling my very wounded heart and brought me moments of joy throughout my days. Although I am much more aware of where I am lacking in virtue, I have peace knowing that He has every intention of making me good and filled with grace. In this is my hope.


Working at the baby home almost every day has also proven to be extremely healing. I find myself spending 98% of my time upstairs in the preemie rooms singing to the sweet little ones and praying for their futures. I think about the blessing it was that although they were abandoned, their parents chose life. They now have the chance to experience Jesus’ real, earth-shattering love for them and to have the joy of loving Him in return. What I didn’t realize, was that they, too, were working on my heart and reception of Christ’s love.


Pressing their tiny little bodies up against mine gives me an indescribable sensation of serenity and bliss. It is easy to recognize Jesus in their eyes as they stare into mine. Their loving stares break down all my walls and I fall in love with them in a moment. This is what I long for Jesus to do for me. I long to be tiny in His arms, to be held close to His most Sacred Heart, and to hear His loving voice singing sweetly into my ear. Each time I sit in that room repeating songs like ‘Through and Through’ by Will Reagan or our famous ACTS song, ‘You are so loved’, I find that it is also Christ singing it to me as He holds me tightly in the safety of His arms. These moments are precious and I hope will last a lifetime.  Thank you God for your unfathomable love for me and for never letting me go.

“Can a woman forget her nursing child
And have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.
“Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands
Isaiah 49:15-16



2 thoughts on “Hold me a little closer

  1. Very many years ago I read of 3 ways of relating to children: 1) eye contact 2) focused attention 3) touch. I see you providing all 3 in relating to your babies. But of course this must be done in love and of this there is an abundance. It’s so beautiful to see the tenderness and gentleness that exists as you nurture them. They’re learning LOVE….. And they will carry that love with them as they go forward. They’re learning,” I’m being loved,” and “I’m lovable.” You remind me of Our Lady as She held Her Newborn Infant. Her gaze of Pure Love penetrated his Sacred Heart. Her Immaculate Heart was His Heaven. To these little ones, as you sing and smile and rock and cuddle them, they are receiving the Love of God through you. I ask God to plant the seed of faith in their hearts, a seed that will take root, grow, flourish, and bear fruit for the Kingdom of God. Amen.


  2. Erin, YOU are so loved! I cannot take my eyes off the little sweetie in your arms. The baby is looking up at you with complete trust and security. You are a gift to them and all of us. I love you my dear sister.


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